the secret to leveling up your life
the secret to leveling up your life
first things first: If you’re not sure what it means to “LEVEL UP” then I highly recommend you go listen to this song by Ciara. the beat alone gives you a taste of what leveling up feels like!
in all seriousness, this song taught me that leveling up is rooted in self-empowerment, accountability, and courage. leveling up is about owning your mistakes and letting go of old ways of thinking and doing. it requires coming to terms with the things you can and cannot control, and making mindful decisions about how you can live a more fulfilled and elevated life. leveling up means cutting off dead ends, and I’m not just talking about hair 👀
the first time I heard this song was in 2018 when I started working with somatic soul coach, rhonda speights. at the time, I was doing everything BUT leveling up. I had just moved to a new city and as much as I wanted to thrive and flourish, the truth was that I was sinking and failing. my ambition to live a more fulfilling life was potent, but i lacked an ability to take meaningful steps towards my goals. Cue Rhonda’s suggestion for me to listen to Ciara’s song as my motivational anthem when I found myself in this familiar and frustrating cycle:
I would identify a goal
I would take some small steps towards achieving that goal
I would start off feeling excited about this process and confident in my ability to see that goal to completion…
But by the month’s end, I realized that I made little to no progress towards my goal 😳
this was absolutely maddening! And I’m sure you can relate, because we all have that ONE THING that we want to accomplish, but we somehow stay stuck in a cycle that never brings it to fruition or completion. I was stuck in this cycle month after month, year after year, until I felt unmotivated and doubtful of my ability to level up and change my life. But I have good news for you. I overcame the cycle and so can you. You CAN level up, no matter how many times you’ve been through the same old cycle. here are my secrets for leveling up your life:
Secret 1: Get Technical. Leveling up on your goals becomes more attainable when you get clear and precise about exactly what it is you want. There’s a wide variety of goal setting tools and resources that you can use to support this process, including my FREE goal-setting downloads that you can access here. These downloads, like the one pictured below, can help you break the viscous ‘why-isn’t-this-working?!’ cycle with some easy steps, like making sure that you write your goal down, clarifying when you will achieve your goal, and sharing your goal with a friend that will help hold you accountable.
now, here’s the thing: there’s more to leveling up and goal-setting than technical tools. you can take all of the right steps on paper, buy the best planner with colorful pens and stickers, build the perfect game plan, download all of the right apps, and still struggle to break the cycle. Why? Because leveling up also requires that you…
Secret 2: Get Emotional. when i started working with my coach, I shared that one of my goals was getting out of credit card debt. i was desperate, and my financial situation seemed to worsen despite my efforts. And then a few breaths later, in this same session, I shared the exciting details of the upcoming ski trip that I had just booked. That's when my coach held the space for me to face a hard truth:
My inability to level up on my financial goals was because I could not stop spending money due to my fear of missing out 😬
Many will say that there’s a simple, technical solution for this dilemma: just stop spending money on concerts, brunches, and weekend getaways!!! But those of us who have truly struggled with achieving a goal know how complex behavior change can be… because changing your behavior (no matter how simple the behavior is) requires vulnerability and brutal honesty. Here’s how to work through secret #2: using your emotions as data to support your level up process:
Acknowledgement
Acknowledging my financial blind spot was incredibly difficult and uncomfortable. at first, My ego was severely bruised and I was ashamed that my inability to level up was my own fault. I toggled back and forth between denial and anger and found myself feeling defensive and bitter.
According to Dr. Susan David in her ted talk on the gift and power of emotional courage, its normal to get caught up in resistance and rigid denial. But holding onto the denial isn’t sustainable, and we must do the work to acknowledge what we’re really feeling so we can heal and deal with the messes we’ve made. One of the best ways I learned to acknowledge and process these emotions of shame and frustration was through journaling. The ability to “write like no one was reading” gave me the space to be vulnerable and honest with myself. And from that honest and open place, I was able to give myself...
Grace
Acknowledging my reaction to my blind spot revealed to me just how emotionally vulnerable I was feeling about my financial situation. I had to admit to myself that I was grieving the loss of my previous life in my home state. I missed my friends and family, and I was sad, lonely, and lost in a new city. I had to admit to myself that I was filling that emotional void by throwing my money at things that brought instant gratification and a sense of excitement.
Realizing and accepting the full extent of my grief helped me prioritize my emotional well-being and self care. I started by giving myself grace, aka forgiving my mistakes and giving myself permission to let go of my harsh self-criticism.
And with these permissions I was able to move through my grief more mindfully. I was able to celebrate how much I accomplished rather than harping on all of my shortcomings. I was able to look at my past with gratitude and a willingness to learn, rather than with shameful resentment. I was able to look at my future with clarity, and i gained the strength to...
Ask for Help
working with a coach was a catalyst for seeking more support. Coworkers, therapists, trustworthy friends, parents, and mentors quickly become a part of my level up process. Not only did these people affirm that my situation was normal, but they also affirmed that it was relatable. Many of them (even those who had already leveled up exponentially), shared that they were in my shoes not too long ago. They too had taken a ride on the emotional level up roller coaster, and shared with me how they were able to achieve so much in their lives with their emotions in tow. Hearing these stories of reilences was comforting, and it motivated me to commit to the path of leveling up with emotional courage.
Ciara’s Level Up still sits comfortably on my Spotify “most frequently played” playlist. Firstly, because it’s a great bop and you can’t help but dance to it!!! And secondly, because it’s as beautiful reminder of the lessons I’ve learned, the progress I’ve made, the layers I’ve shed, and the importance of sharing this process with others. part of my level up process included becoming a coach myself, specifically supporting impact-driven professionals who are seeking to change their lives through the power of mindfulness. my work as mindfulness coach rests heavily on the aforementioned secrets of leveling up, and you can see proof of that in this following quote from my former client, Andrea:
Andrea, like many of my clients, came to coaching with a particular professional goal, and it wasn’t long before the conversation turned towards emotional wellness. Through my 1:1 coaching program, Andrea acknowledged and embraced all the emotional nuances of her professional journey, and was able to level up by becoming a more patient and confident leader in the arts and culture industry.
If you’re ready to receive coaching support, then you’re in luck— Enrollment for my 2022 1:1 coaching program is OPEN! Fill out the form below to be added to the waitlist and to inquire about what leveling up will look like for you in 2022.
